The love of controlled image
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Everybody has an image.
Everyone has a persona.
Everyone has a choice in what they share.
My parents abused me physically and emotionally.
My children watched my Mother physically beat up my Father.
They watched as my Mother would belittle my Father for so many things.
My children watched my parents emotionally abuse me when they were little.
They saw me terrified of them.
They saw me as a victim.
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…But my parents had an image to upkeep.
My Mother would buy things and make sure people saw her image….her persona…not her abuse. My Father has enabled her behavior which makes him a part of the abuse.
A breaking point for me was when my oldest son stood up for me when my Mother was screaming at me: She rose her hand to hit him.
Up until that point, I had accepted the abuse against me.
Seeing her rage against my little boy made my heart break.
I took my children and walked away.
Part of my survival was walking away.
Part of my family’s survival was walking away.
I broke the cycle.
I survived.
I want my children to see me as a survivor and not as a victim.
I chose love.
My parents still have an image to upkeep.
They tell stories that go along with their image.
They post pictures of my children online even when my children have asked them multiple times to stop.
My parents are not a part of our lives anymore.
My children have asked them to stay out of their lives.
I’ve been told they say they love us.
I don’t want that kind of “love.”
Abuse isn’t love.
Abuse is control.
Love isn’t controlling
Love isn’t an image
Love is a choice
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“To be rendered powerless doesn’t destroy your humanity. Your resilience is your humanity. The only people who lose their humanity are those who believe they have the right to render another human being powerless. They are the weak. To yield and not break, that is incredible strength”— Hannah Gadsby
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